How do vampire football players get the mud off?
They all get in the bat-tub.
Which villains steal soap from the bath?
Robber
ducks.
Boy: Dad, dad, there's a spider in the bath.
Dad: What's wrong with that? You've seen spiders before.
Boy: Yes,
but this one is three feet wide and using all the hot
water!
Doctor: And did you drink your medicine after your
bath, Mrs Soap?
Mrs Soap: No, doctor. By the time I'd drunk the
bath there wasn't
room for medicine.
The plumber was working in a house when the lady of
the house said to him, "Will it be alright if I have a bath while
you're having your lunch?"
"It's okay with me lady," said the
plumber, "as long as you don't
splash my sandwiches."
Robot: I have to dry my feet carefully after a
bath.
Monster: Why? Robot: Otherwise I get rusty nails.
Dr Frankenstein:
I've just invented
something that everyone in the world will want! You
know how you get a
nasty ring around the bathtub every time you use it,
and you have to
clean the ring off?
Igor: Yes, I hate it.
Dr Frankenstein: Well,
you need never have a bathtub ring again! I've
invented the square
tub . . .
Did you hear about the idiot who had a
new
bath put in?
The plumber said, "Would you like a plug for it?"
The idiot replied, "Oh, I didn't know it was electric."
Hotel
guest: Can you give me a room and a
bath, please?
Porter: I can give you a room, but you'll have to wash
yourself.
Mom: Joe, time for your medicine.
Joe: I'll
run the bath then.
Mom: Why?
Joe: Because on the bottle it says
"to be taken in water."
Does your brother keep himself clean?
Oh,
yes. He takes a bath every month whether he needs one or
not.
Doctor: Your system needs freshening up a bit. I
suggest you take a cold
bath every morning.
Patient: Oh,
but I do, doctor.
Doctor: You do?
Patient: Yes, every
morning I take a nice cold bath and fill it with
nice hot water!
Doctor: The best time to take a bath is before
retiring.
Patient: You mean I don't need another bath until I'm
sixty-five?
Why did the bank robber take a bath?
So he
could make a clean getaway.
Adam: How did Mummy know you
hadn't had a
bath?
Eve: I forgot to dirty the towel, wet the soap and flood the
bathroom.
Nick: Can you tell me the way to Bath? Rick: I
use
soap and water, personally.
Are you going to take a bath?
No, I'm
leaving it where it is.
My mother says I look just like an
animal
when I'm in the bath - a little bear.
Mum, does God use the
bathroom?
No, what
a funny question!
Then why did Dad say this morning, 'Oh, God, are
you still in
there?'
Two small time thieves had been sent by the Big
Boss to steal a van
load of goods from a bathroom suppliers. One
stayed in the van as look
out and the other went into the storeroom.
Fifteen minutes went by,
then half an hour, then an hour, and no
sign of him. The look out finally
grew impatient and went to look for
his partner. Inside the store the
two came face to face. "Where
have you been?" demanded the worried
look out. "The boss told me to
take a bath, but I couldn't find the soap
and a towel."
What's the difference between a peeping Tom and
someone who's just got out of the bath?
One is rude and nosey.
The other is nude and rosey!
Stan: I won 92
goldfish.
Fred: Where are
you going to keep them ?
Stan: In the bathroom
Fred: But what will
you do when you want to take a bath ?
Stan: Blindfold them !
May: What position does your brother play in
the school football team ?
Jay: I think he's one of the drawbacks
!
Ned: Boy! Was I ever in hot
water last night
!
Ed: You were? What did you do ?
Ned: I took a bath !
A man walked into a lodge in Yellowstone
National Park. 'Can you give me a room and bath?' he asked the
clerk.
'I can give you a room,' the clerk said. 'But you'll have to take
the bath by yourself!'
What kind of bath can you take without
water?
A sun bath.
When a dirty kid has finished taking a bath, what
is
still dirty?
The bathtub.
Where does a vampire take a bath?
In the
bat-room (bathroom).
What criminal doesn't take baths?
A dirty
crook.
Why did the robber take a bath?
So he could
make a clean getaway.
What do you call the ring that worms leave round
the bath ?
The scum of the earth !
What dog loves to take bubble baths ?
A
shampoodle !
What animal do you look like when you get into
the
bath ?
A little bear !
Which birds steal soap from the bath ?
Robber
ducks !
How do you know that there's a monster in your
bath?
You can't get the shower curtain closed.
What happened to the tiger who took a bath three
times a day ?
After a week he was spotless !
