Cross-eyed monster: When I grow up I want to be a
bus driver.
Witch: Well, I won't stand in your way.
How do eels get around the
seabed?
They go
by octobus.
Bus passenger: I'd like a ticket to New York,
please.
Ticket seller: By Buffalo? Bus passenger: Of course not,
I'm in the
bus queue, aren't I?
What did the bus conductor say to the frog?
Hop
on.
Why did the bat miss the bus?
Because he hung
around for too long.
What do monsters play when they are in the bus?
Squash.
What would you get if you crossed King Kong with a
skunk?
I don't know but it could always get a seat on a bus!
Why couldn't
the skeleton pay his bus fare?
Because he was skint.
Roger was sitting in a very full bus when a fat
woman opposite said, "If you were a gentleman, young man, you'd
stand
up and let someone else sit down." "And if you were a lady,"
replied
Roger, "you'd stand up and let four people sit down."
What's the
difference between a bus driver
and a cold?
A bus driver knows the stops, and a cold stops the
nose.
A man standing at a bus stop was eating a
hamburger. Next to him stood a lady with her little dog, which became very
excited at the smell of the man's supper and began whining and
jumping up
at him. "Do you mind if I throw him a bit?" said the man to
the lady.
"Not at all," she replied, whereupon the man picked the
dog up and
threw it over a wall.
Teacher: Tommy Russell, you're late again.
Tommy: Sorry, sir. It's my bus - it's always coming late.
Teacher:
Well, if it's late again tomorrow, catch an earlier
one.
How can you kill an idiot with half a dollar?
Throw it under a bus.
Passenger: Will this bus take me to New York?
Driver: Which part?
Passenger: All of me, of course!
As the bus came to the stop, the man
at the
front of the queue took out his eye, threw it up in the air and
caught it before getting on the bus. An amazed conductor said, 'What
on
earth did you do that for?' 'I wanted to know if there was room on
top,' replied the man.
When you go for a bus ride, do you like sitting
upstairs or downstairs?
I prefer to ride on top, but it's very
hard getting the horse up the
stairs.
A man trying to get on an overcrowded bus was
pushed off by
the people inside. There's no room,' they said. 'It's
full up!'
'But you must let me on!' shouted the man.
'Why,
what's so special about you?' they asked.
I'm the driver,'
replied the man.
Why did the bus stop?
Because it saw the zebra
crossing.
What do you call a bloke with a
bus on his
head?
Dead.
Passenger: Does this bus go to London?
Conductor: No.
Passenger: But it says London on the front. Conductor:
There's an
advertisement for baked beans on the side, but we don't
sell them!
Sam left work after a tiring day. 'Take the bus
home,' suggested a friend. 'My mother would only make me take it
back,' Sam said.
Did you say that you fell over fifty feet but
didn't
hurt yourself?
Yes - I was trying to get to the back of the
bus.
Conductor, this bus
was very slow!
Oh, I
expect we'll pick up speed now you're getting off!
Have you
heard that all the buses and trains
are stopping today?
No. Is there a strike?
No, they're stopping
to let the passengers off.
What have I got in
my hands?
A double
decker bus!
You looked!
Do buses and trains run on time?
Usually, yes.
No, they don't. Buses run on wheels and trains run on the
tracks.
Does this bus stop at the river?
If it
doesn't there'll be a very big splash.
Conductor, do you stop
at the Savoy Hotel?
I should say not, on my salary!
'Is everyone in the bus?' asked the
driver
before he closed the door.
'No,' called a lady, 'wait until I
get my clothes on.'
All the passengers in the bus turned
towards the door to look at the
woman. She got on with a bag full of
laundry.
Janet: What's the
difference between a cake
and a school bus ?
Jill: I don't know.
Janet: I'm glad I didn't
send you to pick up my birthday cake !
Have you seen the bus website?
Yes - it's just
the ticket!
Which end of a bus is it best to get
off?
It doesn't matter. Both ends stop.
What is the difference between a
bus driver
and a cold?
One knows the stops, the other stops the nose.
What "bus" crossed
the ocean?
Columbus.
What do you call a man with a double decker bus on
his head
?
The deceased !
Cross-Eyed Monster: When I grow up I want to be a
bus driver.
Witch: Well, I won't stand in your way.
Q: What is a bus ?
A: A bus is a vehicle that
runs twice as fast when you are after it as
when you are in it.
Why didn't anyone take the school bus to
school?
I wouldn't fit through the door.
