A dentist, after completing work on a patient,
came to him begging.
Dentist: Could you help me? Could you
give out a few of your loudest,
most painful
screams?
Patient: Why? Docor, it wasn't all that bad this time.
Dentist: There
are so many people in the waiting room right now, and I
don't want
to miss the four o'clock ball game.
A patient came to
his dentist with problems
with his teeth.
Patient: Doctor, I have yellow teeth, what do I
do?
Dentist: Wear a brown tie!
Dentist: I have to pull the aching tooth,
but don't worry it will take just five minutes.
Patient: And how
much will it cost?
Dentist: It's $90.00.
Patient: $90.00 for just
a few minutes work???
Dentist: I can extract it very slowly if you
like.
"I came in to
make an appointment with the
dentist." said the man to the receptionist.
"I'm sorry sir."
she replied. "He's out right now, but..."
"Thank you,"
interrupted the obviously nervous prospective patient.
"When will he be out
again ?"
A husband and wife entered the
dentist's
office. The husband said, "I want a tooth pulled. I don't want
gas
or Novocain because I'm in a terrible hurry. Just pull the tooth as
quickly as possible."
"You're a brave man," said the dentist.
"Now, show me which tooth
it is."
The husband turns to his
wife and says, "Open your mouth and show the
dentist which tooth it
is, dear."
Dentist begging the patient: Could you help
me?
Could you give out a few of your loudest, most painful
screams?
Patient: Why? Doc, it isn't all that bad this time.
Dentist:
There are so many people in the waiting room right now and I
don't
want to miss the 4 o'clock ball game.
Patient: "It must be
tough spending all
day with your hands in someone's mouth."
Dentist: "I just think of it
as having my hands in their
wallet."
"I am sorry, madam, but I shall have to charge
you hundred dollars for
pulling your boy's tooth."
"Hundred
dollars! Why, I understood you to say that you charged only
twenty
dollars for such work!"
"Yes," replied the dentist, "but this youngster
yelled so terribly
that he scared out four other patients out of
the office."
What does
the dentist of the year get?...A
little plaque.
Why did the dentist
make a poor date with
the manicurist?
Because they fought both tooth and nail!
How many dentists does it take to change a
light bulb?
Three. One to administer the anaesthetic, one to
extract the light
bulb, and one to offer the socket some vile pink
mouthwash.
What did the
werewolf eat after he'd had
his teeth taken out?
The dentist.
Monster: Doctor, doctor, I'm a blood-sucking
monster
and I keep needing to eat doctors.
Doctor: Oh what a
shame. I'm a dentist.
Fred's mother was on the
telephone to the
boy's dentist. "I don't understand it," she
complained, "I
thought his treatment would only cost me $20, but you've
charged me
$80."
"It is usually $20, ma'am," agreed the dentist, "but Fred yelled
so
loudly that three of my other patients ran away!"
Nigel: You said
the school dentist would
be painless, but he wasn't.
Teacher: Did he hurt you?
Nigel:
No, but he screamed when I bit his finger.
Why are you laughing?
My dentist just
pulled one of my teeth out. I don't see much to laugh
about in that.
But it was the wrong one!
As the judge said to the dentist: Do you
swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth, and nothing but the
tooth?
Why was the man arrested for looking at sets
of dentures in a dentist's
window?
Because it was against the
law to pick your teeth in public.
Who has
the most dangerous job in
Transylvania?
Dracula's dentist.
I'm suffering from bad breath
You should
do something about it!
I did.
I just sent my wife to the
dentist.
Dentist: Don't worry. I'm
painless.
Patient: I'm not.
Patient: Doc, what should I do with all the
gold
and silver in my mouth?
Dentist: Don't smile in a bad
neighborhood.
Patient: Hey, that tooth
you pulled
wasn't the one I wanted pulled.
Dentist: Relax, I'm coming to it.
Father: Don't you feel better now
that
you've gone to the dentist?
Son: Sure do. He wasn't in.
Cloyd went to a Charleston dentist
complaining his gums had shriveled up and his teeth were falling out.
After examining him, the dentist said, "Your mouth is really bad. Do
you brush?"
"Ah sure do!" replied Cloyd. "Everee single day!"
"What do you brush with?" asked the dentist,
"Preparation H," said the redneck.
I thought, Miss Smith, that you wanted
yesterday afternoon off because you were seeing your dentist?
That's
right, Sir.
So how come I saw you coming out of the movie theatre
with a friend?
That was my dentist.
At what time do most people go to the
dentist?
At tooth-hurty (2:30).
What did the dentist say to the
golfer?
"You have a hole in one. "
Why does a dentist seem moody?
Because he
always looks down in the mouth.
Why do dentists like
potatoes?
Because
they are so filling.
What is a drill team?
A group of dentists
who work together.
Why do people dislike going to
the
dentist?
Because he is boring.
What is a dentist's office?
A filling
station.
What do you call the Scottish dentist
?
Phil McCavity !
What do you call a dentist in the army ?
A
drill sergeant !
What time is it when you have to go to the
dentist ?
Tooth Hurty !
Did you hear about the dentist who planted a
garden?...
A month later he was picking his teeth
What game did the dentist play
when she
was a child?...Caps and robbers
What does a dentist do on a
roller
coaster?...He braces himself
What did the dentist see at the
North
Pole?...A molar bear
What was the dentist doing in
Panama?...Looking
for the Root Canal
Where does the dentist get his gas?...At the
filling station
Why didn't the dentist ask his secretary
out?...He was
already taking out a tooth
What did the dentist say to the
computer?...This won't hurt a byte
What did the tooth say to the departing
dentist?...Fill me in when you get back
Anyone know the six most frightening words in
the world ??? "The Dentist will see you now."
"Open wider."
requested the dentist, as he
began his examination of the patient. "Good God
!" he said
startled. "You've got the biggest cavity I've ever seen
- the biggest
cavity I've ever seen." "OK Doc !" replied the
patient. "I'm scared
enough without you saying something like that twice."
"I didn't !"
said the dentist. "That was the echo."
While I was
waiting to see the dentist, a
woman came out of his inner office
smiling. Nodding to me, she
said, "Thank goodness my work is completed. I'm
so glad to have found
a painless dentist and one who's so gentle and
understanding too."
When seated in the dentist chair, I related the
incident to the
doctor. He laughed and explained, "Oh, that was just my
Mother."
"I came in to make an appointment with the
dentist." said
the man to the receptionist." "I'm sorry sir." she
replied. "He's
out right now, but..." "Thank you." interrupted the
obviously
nervous prospective patient. "When will he be out again
?"
Patient:
Doctor, I am very nervous. You
know, this is my first extraction.
Young dentist: Don't worry, it's
my first extraction too.
Dentist: There goes the only woman I ever
loved.
Assistant: Why don't you marry her?
Dentist: I can't
afford to. She's my best patient.
Dentist: Just
let me finish and you will
be another man after these cosmetic
procedures.
Patient: Okay
doc, but don't forget to send your bill to the other
man.
Dentist to parsimonious patient "No, we give
no discount for empty
spaces when cleaning and polishing teeth Mrs.
Borde!"
Young Charlie
to dentist's sexy chariside
assistant "Aha ! Are you the lady
orthodontist ?".
The lady
replied "No, but I'll straighten anyone's teeth "
Young
lady to father "Daddy, when I grow
up shall I become a heart-doctor or
a tooth-doctor "
"Dentist"
"Why father ?" "We have only one heart, but 32
teeth!"
Patient to Dentist: "How much to get my teeth
straightened?"
"Twenty thousand bucks" Patient heads for the
door.
Dentist to patient: "Where are you going?"
"To a plastic
surgeon to get my mouth bent."
Patient: How much to
have this tooth
pulled?
Dentist: With pain $200 and without pain $100.
Patient:
Well, without pain it's cheaper. Pull it WITHOUT pain.
Without
anesthesia neither anything, the dentist begins to extract the
tooth, when the patient outcry: Aaaahhhhhhhh !!!!!
Hey, WITH pain it
costs $200 !!!, replies the dentist.
What's worse
than having your doctor tell
you that you have VD?
Having your dentist tell you.
A patient asked the dentist, if it
wasn't
nasty to be all the day with the hands in someone's mouth.
The
dentist answered "I just think of it as having my hands in their
wallet."
Gerald: "Have you ever come across a man who,
at the
slightest touch, caused you to thrill and tremble in every
fiber of your
being?"
Mabel: "Yes, the dentist."
believe that the members of the dental
profession are the only men who can tell a women to open or close her
mouth and
get away with it.
Patient:Do you extract teeth
painlessly?
Dentis: "Not always, the other day I nearly dislocated my
wrist
Papa, why is it that dentists call their
offices dental parlors?"
"Because they are drawing-rooms, my son."
Pardon me for a moment,
please," said the
dentist to the victim, "but before beginning this
work I must have
my drill."
"Good heavens, man!" exclaimed the patient irritably.
"Can't you
pull a tooth without a rehearsal?"
What to do you call an old dentist?
A bit
long in the tooth
A man went to his dentist because he feels
something wrong in his mouth.
The dentist examines him and says,
"that new upper plate I put in for
you six months ago is eroding.
What have you been eating?"
The man replies, "all I can think of is
that about four months ago my
wife made some asparagus and put some
stuff on it that was delicious
... Hollandaise sauce. I loved it so
much I now put it on everything ---
meat, toast, fish, vegetables,
everything."
"Well," says the dentist, "that's probably the problem.
Hollandaise
sauce is made with lots of lemon juice, which is highly
corrosive.
It's eaten away your upper plate. I'll make you a new
plate, and this
time use chrome."
"Why chrome?" asks the
patient. To which the dentist replies, "It's
simple. Everyone knows that
... there's no plate like chrome for the
Hollandaise!"
Dentist: "You don't need to open your mouth
any
wider. When I pull your tooth I expect to stand outside."
"Did you get
your money?" ask the wife of
the dentist who had just return from the
delinquent patient's
home.
"Not a cent," growled the dentist, "and worse than that, he
insulted
me, and gnashed my teeth at me!"
