Q: What is the pink stuff between elephant's
toes?
A: Slow clowns.
'We're going to play elephants and
circuses,' said
a little boy at kindergarten, 'Do you want to join
in?'
'I'd love to,'replied the teacher. 'What do you want me to
do?'
'You can be the lady that feeds us peanuts !'
Why did the elephant
paint his toenails
red ?
So he could hide in the cherry tree !
What do you call an elephant
that flies
?
A jumbo jet !
What do you get if you cross an elephant and a
kangaroo
?
Big holes all over Australia !
How does an elephant get down from a tree
?
He sits on a leaf and waits till autumn !
Why did the elephant paint
himself with
different colours?
Because he wanted to hide in the colouring box
!
Why were the
elephants thrown out of the
swimming pool ?
Because they couldn't hold their trunks up !
Why does an elephant
wear sneakers
?
So that he can sneak up on mice !
What's grey and moves at a hundred
miles
an hour ?
A jet propelled elephant !
What's big and grey and wears a mask
?
The elephantom of the opera !
What's grey, stands in a river when it
rains and doesn't get wet ?
An elephant with an umbrella !
What's grey and never needs ironing ?
A
drip dry elephant !
What's grey and goes round and round ?
An
elephant in a washing machine !
What's big and grey and lives in
a lake
in Scotland ?
The Loch Ness Elephant !
What's yellow on the outside and grey on the
inside ?
An elephant disguised as a banana !
What's big and grey and protects
you
from the rain ?
An umbrellaphant !
What's big, grey and flies straight up
?
An elecopter !
What weighs 4 tons and is bright red ?
An
elephant holding its breath !
What's blue and has big ears ?
An
elephant at the North Pole !
What's grey and wrinkly and jumps every
twenty seconds ?
An elephant with hiccups !
What goes up slowly and comes down quickly
?
An elephant in a lift !
What has 3 tails, 4 trunks and 6 feet ?
An
elephant with spare parts !el
What's as big as an elephant but
weighs
nothing ?
An elephant's shadow !
What's grey and lights up ?
An electric
elephant !
What's grey but turns red ?
An
embarrassed elephant !
What's grey, carries a bunch of flowers
and cheers you up when your ill ?
A get wellephant !
What grey, has a wand, huge wings and gives
money
to elephants ?
The tusk fairy !
What's grey, beautiful and wears glass
slippers ?
Cinderelephant !
What's the difference between an injured
elephant
and bad weather ?
One roars with pain and the other pours
with rain !
What's the difference between an elephant
and
a bad pupil ?
One rarely bites and the other barely writes
!
How to you tell the
difference between an
elephant and a mouse ?
Try picking them up !
What's the difference between an elephant
and
a piece of paper ?
You can't make a paper aeroplane out of an
elephant !
What's the
difference between a sick
elephant and seven days ?
One is a weak one and the other one week !
What's the difference
between an
elephant and a banana ?
Have you ever tried to peel an elephant ?
Why are elephants grey ?
So you can tell
them from flamingos !
What's the difference between
an African
elephant and an Indian elephant ?
About 3,000 miles !
What's the difference between an elephant
and a
gooseberry ?
A gooseberry is green !
What pill would you give to an elephant that
can't sleep ?
Trunkquilizers !
A boy with an elephant on his head went to
see a
doctor. The doctor said, "You know you really need
help"
"Yes I do", said the elephant, "get this kid off my foot !"
What kind of elephants live in Antartica
?
Cold ones !
Why do elephants have trunks ?
Because
they would look silly carrying suitcases !
How do you fit
five elephants into a car
?
Two in the front, two in the back and the other in the glove
compartment !
How does an elephant get out of a small car
?
The same way that he got in !
Why did the elephant cross the road
?
Because the chicken was having a day off !
What did the hotel manager say to the
elephant
that couldn't pay his bill ? "Pack your trunk and clear out
!"
How
do you get an elephant into a
matchbox ?
Take all the matches out first !
What did the grape say when the
elephant
stood on it ?
Nothing, it just let out a little wine !
How can you tell if there is
an elephant
in your dessert ?
You get very lumpy ice cream !
Why are elephants wiser than chickens
?
Have you ever heard of Kentucky Fried Elephant ?!
Why do elephants eat raw food ?
Because
they don't know how to cook !
Have you heard about the
elephant that
went on a crash diet ?
He wrecked three cars, a bus and two fire
engines !
Why did the
elephant eat the candle
?
For light refreshment !
When should you feed milk to a baby elephant
?
When it's a baby elephant !
How do you know that peanuts are
fattening ?
Have you ever seen a skinny elephant ?
What do you call an elephant that can't do
sums ?
Dumbo !
Bill:"My homework is really difficult
tonight, I've to
write an essay on an elephant."?
Bert:"Well, for a
start your going to need a big ladder.."
Why do
elephants do well in school
?
Because they have a lot of grey matter !
Teacher:"To which family
does the
elephant belong ?"
Pupil:"I don't know, nobody I know owns one !"
Teacher: "Name six
wild
animals"
Pupil:"Four elephants and two lions !"
Teacher: "Where would you find an elephant
?"
Pupil:"You don't have to find them, they're too big to lose
!"
Tarzan was tired when he came home.
"What
have you been doing", asked Jane.
"Chasing a herd of elephants on
vines"
"Really ?", said Jane. "I thought elephants stayed on the
ground
!"
What is the easy way to get a wild elephant
?
Get a tame one and annoy it !
What did Tarzan say when he saw the
elephants coming ?
Here come the elephants
What's the best way to see a charging herd
of elephants ?
On television !
Why don't elephants like playing cards in
the
jungle ?
Because of all the cheetahs !
What do you call an elephant with a
carrot in each ear ?
Anything you want as he can't hear you !
What do you call an
elephant that lies
across the middle of a tennis court ?
Annette !
What do you call an elephant creeping through
the jungle in
the middle of the night ?
Russell !
What do you call an elephant with a rabbit up
it's sweater
?
Warren !
What do you call the rabbit up the
elephant's
sweater ?
Terrified !
How to elephants talk to each other ?
By
'elephone !
What do you give an elephant with big feet
?
Plenty of room !
Why do elephants have trunks ?
Because
they've no pockets to put things in !
What animals were last
to leave the ark
?
The elephants as they had to pack their trunks !
What do you find in an elephants graveyard
?
Elephantoms !
What is stronger an elephant or a snail
?
A snail, because it carries it's house, an elephant just carries its
trunk !
What do you do with old cannon balls
?
Give them to elephants to use as marbles !
What do elephants do in
the evenings
?
Watch elevision !
Who lost a herd of elephants ?
Big bo peep
!
What is an elephants favourite film
?
Elephantasia
What do elephants say as a compliment
?
You look elephantastic !
What did the elephant say to the famous
detective ?
It's ele-mentary, my dear Sherlock !
Why did the elephant jump in
the lake
when it began to rain ?
To stop getting wet !
What is a baby elephant after he is five
weeks
old ?
Six weeks old !
What did the elephant say when the man
grabbed
him by the tail ?
This is the end of me !
What to you get if you cross a parrot with an
elephant ?
An animal that tells you everything that it remembers
!
What do
elephants sing at christmas
?
Noel-ephants, Noel-ephants...
Who do elephants get their christmas
presents from ?
Elephanta Claus !
How do you hire an elephant ?
Stand it on
four bricks !
My elephants got no trunk ?
How does it
smell ?
Terrible !
How do you stop an angry elephant from
charging ?
Take away it's credit cards !
What did the baby elephant get when
the
daddy elephant sneezed ?
Out of the way !
Why do the elephants have short tails
?
Because they can't remember long stories !
Why is an elephant braver
than a hen
?
Because the elephant isn't chicken !
What is worse than raining cats and dogs
?
Raining elephants !
How do you raise a baby elephant ?
With a
fork lift truck !
Is the squirt from an elephants trunk very
powerful?
Well, a jumbo jet can keep 500 people oin the air for
hours at a time
!
Reports are coming in of an elephant doing a
ton in the highway.
Police ask motorists to drive carefully and to
yield right of way.
How
do you make an elephant sandwich?
First of all, you get a very large loaf...
How does an elephant go up a tree?
It
stands on an acorn and waits for it to grow.
What do you get if
you cross an elephant
with the abominable snowman?
A jumbo yeti.
Why did the gum cross the road?
Because it
was under the elephants foot.
What does a bald elephant
wear for a
toupee?
A sheep.
Why do elephants prefer peanuts to
caviar?
Because they're easier to get at the ballpark.
Why are elephants large, grey and
wrinkly?
Because if they were small round and white, they would be
aspirins.
Why don't elephants like martinis?
Have
you ever tried to get an olive out of your nose?
Why do
elephants live in the
jungle?
Because it's out of the high rent district.
Why do elephants squirt
water through
their noses?
If they squirted it through their tails, it'd be very
difficult to
aim.
Why do elephants jump across rivers?
So
they won't step on the fish.
Why did the elephant eat the candle?
He
wanted a light snack!
Q: What happened when the elephant sat on
the car?
A: Everyone knows a Mercedes Bends!
Two elephants jumped off a
cliff.......
BOOM BOOM!
It was a boring Sunday afternoon in the
jungle so
the Elephants decided to challenge the Ants to a game of
soccer. The
game was going well with the Elephants beating the Ants ten
goals to nil,
when the Ants gained possession. The Ants' star
player was dribbling
the ball towards the Elephants' goal when the
Elephants' left back
came lumbering towards him.
The elephant trod
on the little ant, killing him instantly. The referee
stopped the
game. "What the hell do you think you're doing? Do you
call that
sportsmanship, killing another player?" The elephant replied,
"Well,
I didn't mean to kill him -- I was just trying to trip him
up."
An elephant was walking in a park. With each
step he took, he
squished many little ants. Upset, the ants began
to crawl up on the
elephant -- first his legs and then up all over
his body. When the elephant
started feeling all the little ants on
him, he shook hard, making all the
little ants, except for one, fall
to the ground. As the only ant on the
elephant hung on close to the
elephant's neck, the ones on the ground
began to yell, "Strangle
him!!! Strangle him!!!"
