What is grey and hairy and lives on a man's face?
A mousetache.
Louise was watching her big sister covering her
face
with cream.
"What's that for?" she asked.
"To make me
beautiful," came the reply.
Louise then watched in silence as she
wiped her face clean.
"Doesn't work, does it?" was her comment.
What happened when the
witch went for a job as
a TV presenter?
The producer said she had the perfect face for
radio.
Fred: You have
the face of a saint.
Jill:
Really? Which one?
Fred: A Saint Bernard.
Fred: You've got a Roman nose.
Harry: Like
Julius Caesar?
Fred: No, it's roamin' all over your face.
Two boys were watching TV when the fabulous face
and figure of Pamela Anderson appeared on the screen. "if I ever
stop
hating girls," said one to the other, "I think I'll stop hating
her
first."
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll
make an
exception.
Did you hear about the witch who was so ugly that
when a tear
rolls down her cheek it takes one look at her face and
rolls straight up
again?
Fred: Your sister uses too much make-up.
Harry: Do you think so?
Fred: Yes. It's so thick that if you tell her
a joke, five minutes
after she's stopped laughing her face is
still smiling!
Wife to
Husband: I'll have you know I've
got the face of a teenager!
Husband to Wife: Then you should give it
back, you're wearing it
out.
Patient: The trouble is, doctor, I keep pulling
ugly faces.
Doctor: Don't worry, I don't expect anyone will
notice.
Fred: Do
you like my new hairstyle?
Harry:
In as much as it covers most of your face, yes.
You can read
his mind in his face.
Yes,
it's usually a complete blank.
First Witch: I like your toad.
He always has
such a nice expression on his face.
Second Witch: It's because
he's a hoptimist.
How did your mom know
you hadn't washed your
face?
I forgot to wet the soap.
Boy monster: You've got a face like a million
dollars !
Girl monster: Have I really ?
Boy monster: Yes -
it's green and wrinkly !
My teacher's got a
pretty face if you can
read between the lines.
Counselor: Wash your face.
I can see what you
had for breakfast.
Henry: If you're so smart, what did I
have?
Counselor: Eggs.
Henry: Wrong. I had eggs yesterday!
What is the hottest part of a
man's
face?
His sideburns.
Why is your nose in the middle of your
face?
Because it is the scenter (centre).
Why is your face all scratched ?
My girlfriend
said it with flowers.
How romantic.
Not really, she hit me round
the head with a bunch of thorny roses
!
Why did the pig have ink all over his face?
Because it came out of the pen.
I don't know where you got your face
from,
but i hope you have the receipt.
Once there was a church that
had a bell that
no one could ring. One day, a boy came and asked the
priest if he
could try. So the boy went up into the tower and ran straight
into
the bell, face-first. The bell tolled loud and clear. The shocked
priest gave him the job. But one Sunday, he ran straight toward the
bell with his face and missed and fell off the tower and died.
"Congregation," the priest said before the assembled masses. "Does
anybody know this boy's name? Because I don't know him, but his face
rings a bell."
Q.What do me and a mirror have in common?
A.When we see your face we both crack up!
"Mommy, all the kids at school say I'm a
werewolf! Is that true?"
"No, of course not. Now shut up and comb your
face."
Teacher: What
a glum face, what would you say
if I came to school with a face like
yours ?
Pupil: I'd be too
polite to mention it !
Witch: Doctor, I can't help pulling ugly faces.
Doctor: Well there's nothing terrible about that.
Witch: It is
when the people with ugly faces don't like them being
pulled.
A little boy came running into the kitchen. "Dad,
dad," he
said, "there's a monster at the door with a really ugly
face."
"Tell him you've already got one," said his father.
Boy: You've
got a face like a million
dollars.
Girl: Have I really?
Boy: Yes ? it's green and wrinkly.
Fred's new girlfriend uses such
greasy
lipstick that he has to sprinkle his face with sand to get a
better
grip.
A woman just back from Arizona was telling her
friends
about the trip.
"When my husband first saw the Grand
Canyon, his face dropped a
mile," she said.
"Why, was he
disappointed with the view?"
"No, he fell over the edge."
