Woman: Why are you begging for a
quarter?
Beggar: I didn't think someone like you would give me a
dollar.
"What did George Washington, Abraham Lincoln,
and Christopher Columbus all
have in common? They were all born on
holidays."
What did General
Patton do on Thanksgiving?
He gave tanks.
"You know an ancestor of mine came over on the
Mayflower." "Really? Which rat was he?"
Teacher: "What did the Indians
bring to the
first Thanksgiving?"
Student: "Baseballs."
Teacher:
"Baseballs?"
Student: "Yeah, they were Cleveland Indians!"
Why did the Pilgrims create
Thanksgiving?
They wanted another excuse to watch football.
What was the greatest
accomplishment of
the early Romans ?
Speaking Latin !
Why did Julius Caesar buy crayons ?
He
wanted Mark Antony !
Where did the pilgrims land when they came to
America ?
On their feet !
Why does history keep repeating itself
?
Because we weren't listening the first time !
Who succeeded the first President of the USA
?
The second one !
If Atlas supported the world on his shoulders,
who
supported Atlas ?
His wife !
When did Caesar reign ?
I didn't know he
reigned.
Of course he did, didn't they hail him ?
Why did the Romans build
straight roads
?
So their soldiers didn't go around the bend !
What did Caesar say to
Cleopatra
?
Toga-ether we can rule the world !
Why were the early days of history called the
dark ages ?
Because there were so many knights !
Why did Arthur have a round
table ?
So
no one could corner him !
Who invented King Arthur's round table
?
Sir Circumference !
What was King Arthur's favourite game
?
Knights and crosses !
What was Camelot ?
A place where people
parked their camels !
What was Camelot famous for ?
It's knight
life !
When were King Arthur's army too tired to
fight
?
When they had lots of sleepless knights !
What English King invented
the fireplace
?
Alfred the grate !
What famous chiropodist ruled England
?
William the Corn-cutter!
Whose son was Edward, the Black Prince
?
Old King Coal !
Why did Henry VIII have so many wives ?
He
liked to chop and change !
What was the first think Queen
Elizabeth
did on ascending to the throne ?
Sat down !
Where was the Magna Carta signed ?
At the
bottom !
I'm learning ancient history ?
So am I,
lets go for a walk and talk over old times !
My teacher
reminds me of history
She's always repeating herself !
What do history teachers make when they want
to get together ?
Dates !
The Spanish explorers went round the world in
a galleon.
How many galleons did the get to the mile !
What did Paul Revere say
when he got on
his horse?
Giddy up horsey !
How did Columbus's men sleep on their ships
?
With their eyes shut !
What did Napoleon become when he was 41 years
old ?
A year older on his birthday !
Who gave the Liberty Bell to Philadelphia
?
Must have been a duck family
A duck family ?
Didn't you say
there was a quack in it !
Why did the pioneers cross
the country in
covered wagons ?
Because they didn't want to wait 40 years for a
train !
You've
failed history again !
Well you
always told me to let bygones be bygones !
How did you do in
your tests ?
I did
what George Washington did !
What was that ?
Went down in history
!
Do you know the 20th President of the United
States ?
No, we were never introduced !
Abraham Lincoln had a very hard childhood, he
had to walk 7 miles to school everyday.
Well he should have got
up earlier and caught the school bus like
everyone else !
When crossing the Delaware River why did
George Washington
stand up in the boat ?
He was afraid that if he sat
down that someone would give him an oar to
row !
What did they do at the Boston Tea Party
?
I don't know, I wasn't invited !
What does the 1286BC incribed on
the
mummy's tomb indicate ?
The registration of the car that ran him over
!
What do Alexander the
Great and Winnie the
Pooh have in common ?
They both have 'the' as their middle names
!
What did the Pharaohs use to keep their babies
quiet?
Egyptian dummies.
Q: Where does Napolean keep his armies?
A:
In his sleevies!
What did King Arthur sleep with when he was
afraid of the dark?
A knight light
