"Will I ever be able to race my horse again" the
owner asked the vet.
The vet replied, "You certainly will, and
you'll probably beat her
too!"
A stallion and a mare where due to get married,
but the stallion
didn't show up at the church.
He got colt
feet
As horses say to one another.
Any friend of
yours is a palomino!
Did you find my horse well
behaved?
Indeed, whenever we came to a fence he let me over first!
Did you
hear about Mike Tyson's horse?
It
got angry and bit at the champ!
Did you hear about the aristocratic horse?
He
was the last of his race!
Did you hear about the depressed horse?
He
told a tale of whoa!
Did you hear about the horse that has made a
dozen films?
He's not a star though, he just does bit parts!
Did you hear about
the horse with the
negative altitude?
He always said "Neigh"
Did you hear about the Irishman who
couldn't tell the difference between his two horses?
His friend suggested
measuring them, that didn't help though, the
Irishman discovered
that the brown horse was only an inch taller than the
white one!
Did you hear about the man who ate nothing but
oats every day?
He fell in love with the Grand National
winner!
Did you hear about
the man who named his
horse Radish?
Did you hear about the man who
received a
tip on a horse called Cigarette?
He didn't have enough money
tabaccer!
Did you hear about the man
with five keen
senses?
He still lacked common and horse!
Did you hear about the overweight
man who
took up horse riding as exercise?
The horse lost 15 pounds in a
week!
Did you hear about the race horse that was so
late coming in?
They had to pay the jockey overtime!
Girl: We have a mayor. Do you?
Horse:
Sure!
Girl: What do you call it?
Horse: Same as you do. Mare!
Have you read the book, "100-mile Horse
Trek"
Who wrote it?
Major Bumsore
How did the instructor try to make horse riding
enjoyable?
He tried to stirrup some interest!
How do jockeys determine which
racehorses
are the favourites?
They take a gallop poll!
How do you go about hiring a horse?
Try two
pairs of stilts!
How do you hire a horse?
Put a brick under
each hoof!
How do you lead a horse to water?
With lots
of carrots.
How do you make a small fortune out of
horses?
Start off with a large fortune!
How much money did the bronco have?
Only a
buck!
What couple rode a horse up a hill to fetch a
pail of water?
Jockey and Jill!
What did the city worker say after his first
ever
pony trek?
I never knew anything stuffed with hay could be so
hard!
What did the
horse say to whinnie the pooh
while watching his t.v. show?
I wish I could hear you whinnie.
What did the wife say to the
undertaker when
he started hitting his broken down car?
Stop beating a dead
hearse!
What disease do horses fear most?
Hay
Fever!
What do you call a horse that plays the
violin?
Fiddler on the hoof!
What do you call a horse that's been all around
the world?
A globe-trotter!
What do you call a horse wearing Venetian
blinds?
A zebra!
What do you call a pony with a sore throat?
A
hoarse horse!
What do you call the horse than lives next
door?
A neighbour!
What do you give a sick horse?
Cough
stirrup.
What does ever horse and rider do at the same
time?
Grow old!
What does it mean if you find a horse
shoe?
Some poor horse is walking around in his socks.
What equine likes to cut in line?
A
sawhorse!
What goes "Clip"?
A one legged horse!
What goes into the mouth of a quarter
horse?
Two bits!
What happened to Lady Godiva's horse when he
saw she had
no clothes on?
It made him shy!
What happened to the horse that swallowed a
dollar
bill?
It bucked!
What happened to the man who owned a riding
academy?
Business kept falling off!
What has four legs and see just as well from
either end?
A horse with his eyes closed!
What is a horse's favourite sport?
Stable
tennis!
What is a horses favourite kind of party?
A
stall ball.
What is a horses favourite TV show?
Neeeebours
What is a jockey's motto?
Put your money
where your mount is!
What is a thespian pony?
A little horse
play!
What is horse sense?
Stable thinking and the
ability to say nay!
What is the best type of
story to tell a
runaway horse?
A tale of whoa!
What is the difference between a horse and a
duck?
One goes quick and the other goes quack!
What is the strongest
animal?
A
racehorse, because it can take hundreds of people for a ride at
once!
What kind of horse has trouble keeping track of
his Macintosh?
An Appaloosa!
What person strives to ensure safety for
horses?
Ralph Neighder!
What's another name for an assistant stable
cleaner?
A co-pile-it!
What's as big as a horse, but weighs
nothing?
A horses shadow!
What's black and white and turns
cartwheels?
A piebald horse pulling a cart!
What's the hardest thing about learning to ride
a horse?
The ground!
When does a horse neigh?
Whinny wants to!
Where did the Knights of the Round Table park
their
horses?
In the Sir Lance Lot
Where did the newlywed horses stay?
In the
bridle suite!
Where do you take a sick horse?
To the
Horspital!
Which route should you take through the woods
when riding a fizzy horse?
The psycho-path!
Who did the breeder call when his horse was
possessed by an evil spirit?
An exhorsist!
Why are chorus girls like barge horses?
They
have to tow the line!
Why are clouds like jockeys?
Because they
hold the reins!
Why did the artist put on a show of
horse
paintings?
He wanted to mount an exhibit!
Why did the boy stand behind the horse?
He
thought he might get a kick out of it!
Why did the farmer call his
horse
Baseball?
Because it's covered with horsehide!
Why did the horse go behind the
tree?
To
change his jockeys.
Why did the horse miss the joust?
He had the
knight off!
Why did the horse stir his cereal with his
hoof?
Because he wanted to feel his oats!
Why did the horseman put a saddle on a large
loaf of bread?
It was a crusty steed!
Why did the man call his horse
Fleabag?
Because he was often scratched!
Why is a racehorse like a letter?
They both
begin a trip at the post!
Why is an egg like a young horse?
Because it
can't be used until it's broken!
Why is Dick Clark a
favourite star with
horses?
Because he was a disk jockey from Filly!
Why is horse racing so romantic?
Because the
horse hugs the rails, the jockey puts his arms around the
horse and
you can kiss your money goodbye!
Why is it difficult to
identify horses from
the back?
They're always switching their tails!
Why is manna from heaven like
horse
hay?
Both are food from aloft!
Why is the old, decrepit horse named
Flattery?
Because it gets you nowhere!
Why was Teddy Roosevelt mean to horses?
He
was a rough rider!
You said it was a great horse and it is.
It
took twenty other horses to beat him!
You said this horse could
jump as high as a
ten foot fence and he can't jump at all.
Well neither can a
fence!
What kind of horse can swim underwater
without coming up for air ?
A seahorse !
What is the slowest racehorse in the world ?
A clotheshorse !
A mean horseman went into a saddler's shop and
asked for one spur. "One spur?" asked the saddler. "Surely you mean
a
pair of spurs, sir?" "No, just one," replied the horseman. "If I
can
get one side of the horse to go, the other side is bound to
come with
it!"
Why did the bareback performer ride his horse?
Because it got too heavy to carry.
A man has a racehorse, never won a
race. Man
in disgust says," Horse, you win today or you pull a milk
wagon
tomorrow morning." The starting gate opens, the horses take-off,
they
move the gate away and there lays his horse asleep on the track. He
kicks the horse and asks, "WHY ARE YOU SLEEPING. The horse, half
asleep says, "I have to get up at three in the morning."
Why was the horse all charged up?
It ate some
haywire!
Why was the horseman fired from his job of
saddle testing?
He was always standing up on the job!
Why was the man sued by his
horse?
For
palomino-money!
Why was the racehorse named Bad News?
Because
bad news travels fast!
Why was the racehorse names Strawberry
Ice?
He was a sherbet!
