Crazy Aunt Maud received a letter one morning,
and upon reading it burst into floods of tears.
"What's the
matter?" asked her companion.
"Oh dear," sobbed Auntie, "It's my
favorite nephew. He's got three
feet."
"Three feet?" exclaimed her
friend.
"Surely that's not possible?"
"Well," said Auntie,
"his mother's just written to tell me he's
grown another foot !"
Are you writing a thank you letter to Grandma
like I told you to? Yes Mom. Your handwriting seems very large. Well,
Grandma's very deaf, so I'm writing very loudly.
Which two letters are
rotten for your teeth?
D K
Why is the letter "t" so important to a stick
insect?
Without it would be a sick insect.
Have you ever seen a duchess?
Yes - it's
the same as an English "s"
What do snakes write on the bottom of their
letters?
With love and hisses.
What's the definition of a school report?
A poison pen letter from the principal.
Why did the young witch have
such
difficulty writing letters?
She had never learned to spell properly.
What kind of letters did the
snake get from
his admirers?
Fang mail.
What's a zombie say when he gets a letter from
his
girlfriend?
It's a dead letter day.
How does a ghost start a letter?
Tomb it
may concern.
Last night I wrote myself a letter.
But I
forgot to sign it and now I don't know who it's from.
What
did the werewolf write at the bottom
of the letter?
Best vicious . . .
Betty was scribbling industriously over some
paper
with a pencil when her mother asked her what she was drawing.
"I'm
not drawing, Mom," she said indignantly, "I'm writing a
letter to
Fred." "But you can't write," Mom pointed out. "That's all
right,"
said Betty, "Fred can't read."
How did skeletons send each other
letters
in the days of the Wild West?
By Bony Express.
Teacher: Frd, give me a sentence starting with
"I."
Fred: I is . . .
Teacher: No, Fred. You must always
say "I am."
Fred: Oh, right. I am the ninth letter of the
alphabet.
I got an
anonymous letter today.
Oh,
really - who was it from?!
1st vampire: How things?
2nd vampire:
Terrible! Today I received a letter saying I'm overdrawn
by 50 pints at
the blood bank.
An old lady walked in to the post
office to
buy stamps and as she was short-sighted the clerk offered to
stick
the stamps on for her.
`Wait a minute,' he said, `you've
written the address upside down.'
`I know,' said the little
old lady, `the letter is going to
Australia.'
An Irishman went into a post office to see if
there were any
letters for him.
"I'll see, sir," said the
clerk.
"What is your name?"
"You're having me on now because I'm
Irish," said the Irishman.
"Won't you see the name on the
envelope?"
What word allows you to take away two letters
and get one?
Stone.
Braxton and Hollis had jobs at a California
cotton mill. One
morning the foreman came along and found Braxton
reading a letter to his
coworker.
"Hey," cried the foreman,
"what kind a horseplay you two guys up
to?"
"Hollis got a
letter from his girlfriend," explained Braxton, "but
he can't read; so
Ah'm readin' the letter for him."
"How come you got the
cotton in your ears?"
"Hollis don't want me to hear what his
girlfriend writ to him!"
Q:
Why did the witch's mail rattle? A: It
was a chain letter.
Did you
hear about the sister who wrote
herself a letter and forgot to sign it
and when it arrived she didn't
know who it was from.
Josh sent a
letter to his folks. He told
about a ten-mile hike he had taken.
His father wrote back saying, 'In
my day I thought nothing of walking
ten miles.'
Josh wrote
back, 'To tell the truth, I didn't think much of it
either.
What does an envelope say when you lick
it?
Nothing. It just shuts up.
Why do postmen carry letters?
Because the
letters can't go anywhere by themselves.
What letter is
like a vegetable?
The
letter P.
What girl's name is like a letter?
Kay
(K).
When is a letter damp?
When it has postage
due (dew).
Where do you put letters to boys?
In a mail
(male) box.
What word grows smaller when you add two
letters to it?
Add "er" to short and it becomes shorter.
Why is the letter N the
most powerful
letter?
Because it is in the middle of TNT.
How many letters are there in the
alphabet?
Eleven. T-H-E A-L-P-H-A-B-E-T.
Which two letters of the alphabet are
nothing?
MT (empty) .
What letter should you avoid?
The letter A
because it makes men mean.
What 8-letter word has one
letter in
it?
Envelope.
What letter stands for the ocean?
The letter
C.
What two words have thousands of letters in
them?
Post office.
What did the envelope say to the
stamp?
"Stick with me and we'll go places."
What did the stamp say to the
envelope?
"I've become attached to you."
Why did the boy jump up and down on
the
letter?
He heard that you have to stamp letters or the post office
won't send
them.
Why do people leave letters at the football
ground ?
They want to catch the last goal-post !
What do you call a Welshman
who writes lots
of letters ?
Pen Gwyn !
His girlfriend returned all his letters.
I
bet she marked them "second class male !"
Where do ghosts mail their letters?
At the
ghost office.
Who does Dracula get letters from?
His fang
club.
What letters are not in the alphabet?
The
ones in the mail, of course!
What two letters do you say when you
answer
the phone?
LO
