A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down
and orders a sandwich. He eats the sandwich, pulls out a gun and
shoots
the waiter dead. As the panda stands up to go, the manager
shouts,
"Hey! Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you
didn't pay for
your sandwich!"
The panda yells back at the
manager, "Hey man, I'm a PANDA! Look it
up!"
The manager opens
his dictionary and sees the following definition for
panda: "A tree
dwelling marsupial of Asian origin, characterized by
distinct black
and white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves."
Three
couples are dining
together.
The American husband says to his wife: "Pass me the honey, Honey".
The
English husband says to his wife: "Pass me the sugar, Sugar".
The
[you name it] husband says to his wife: "Pass me the steak, Dumb
cow".
Two men were in a restaurant and ordered
fish. The waiter
brought a dish with two fish, one larger than the
other. One of the men said
to the other, "Please help yourself." The
other one said "Okay",
and helped himself to the larger fish. After
a tense silence, the first
one said, "really, now, if you had
offered me the first choice, I would
have taken the smaller fish!" The
other one replied, "What are you
complaining for; you have it,
don't you?"
"What flavors of ice cream
do you have?"
inquired the customer.
"Vanilla, strawberry, and chocolate,"
answered the new waitress in a
hoarse whisper.
Trying to be
sympathetic, the customer asked, "Do you have
laryngitis?"
"No...."
replied the new waitress with some effort, "just...erm....
vanilla,
strawberry, and chocolate."
Did you hear about the new
restaurant on
the moon? Great food but no atmosphere.
How many cafeteria staff does it take to
change a light bulb?
"Sorry, we closed 18 seconds ago, and I've
just cashed up."
How
many McDonald's counter girls does
it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to change it and one to put
some chips with it.
A man walks
into a Chinese restaurant
but is told by the
Maitre'd that there will be at least a twenty
minute wait.
"Would you like to wait in the bar, Sir?", he says.
The
man goes into the bar and the bartender says, "What'll it be?"
The
man replies, "Give me a Stoli with a twist."
The bartender pauses
for a few seconds, then smiles and
says, "Once upon time, there were
FOUR little peegs . . . "
Why was
the restaurant called "Out of
this World"?
Because it was full of Unidentified Frying Objects.
Jane's father
decided to take all the
family out to a restaurant for a meal. As he'd
spent quite a lot
of money for the meal he said to the waiter, "Could I
have a bag to
take the leftovers home for the dog?"
"Gosh!" exclaimed Jane, "Are
we getting a dog?"
Customer to friend: This is a wonderful
restaurant. I ordered salad and I got the freshest salad in the world,
I
ordered coffee, and I got the freshest coffee in the
world.
Friend: I know - I ordered a small steak and got a calf.
At our local
restaurant you can eat
dirt cheap - but who wants to eat dirt?
"Can
I have some two-handed cheese,
please?" a man in a restaurant asked
the waiter.
"What do you
mean, 'two-handed cheese'?' asked the waiter.
"You know, the kind
you eat with one hand and hold your nose with the
other."
Patron 1: I eat at a different restaurant
every day.
Patron 2: I don't tip, either.
Eulus stood in front of the take-out
window of a Rawl-ins fast food restaurant. "I want two hamburgers,"
he said. "One with onions, and one without."
The counter man:
"Okay. Which one's without the onions?"
I went to a restaurant that serves
-breakfast at any time.- So I ordered French Toast during the
Renaissance.
Have you ever seen a man-eating tiger
?
No, but in the restaurant next door I once saw a man eating chicken
!
Girl: How much is a soft drink
?
Waitress: Fifty cents.
Girl: How much is refill ?
Waitress: The first is
free.
Girl: Well then, I'll have a refill.
What does a Chinese restaurant
serve
for Easter?
Coloured eggrolls!
Hello? Fred's Restaurant.
Hello! I'd
like to know, do you serve crabs?
We serve anyone, sir! Come on
in!
Once a man went to a resturant and ordered
an egg. When it was brought he didn't liked it so he informed the
waiter that the egg was bad.
Came the reply:
"I don't lay
egg sir I just lay table !"
At which fast food
restaurant is a
hamburger happiest?
Arthur Treacher's Fish and Chips!
Waiter, what is this bug doing on
my
wives shoulder!
I don't know - friendly thing isn't he !
Two little boys were
visiting their
grandfather and he took them to a restaurant for lunch. They
couldn't
make up their minds about what they wanted to eat.
Finally the
grandfather grinned at the server and said, "Just bring
them bread and
water."
One of the little boys looked up and quavered, "Can I have
ketchup on
it?"
A out-of-towner in New York at the height
of the tourist season
decided to revisit an uptown restaurant he'd
enjoyed on a previous
trip to the city. Finally catching the eye of
an overworked waiter, he
said, "You know, it's been over five
years since I first came in here."
"You'll have to wait your turn,
sir," replied the harried and now
irritated waiter, "I can only
serve one table at a time."
"What's the matter with your dinner
?"
"Can you describe it for me please in case I need to tell my doctor
later what I've eaten !"
Is your food spicy Sir ?
No, smoke
always comes out of my ears !
Young woman sat down in small
restaurant, a waitress came over to take her order.
"I'll have a hamburger
please."
"Burger!" she yelled over her shoulder. Then woman added.
"Make that
well done."
Waitres turned away again.
"Torture
it!" she yelled.
The headwaiter of an elegant restaurant
recoiled in disgust as a man in boots, torn jeans and a leather jacket
approached him. "Hey, man," he said, "where's the toilet?"
"Go
down the hall and turn left, "replied the headwaiter. "When you
see
the sign marked 'Gentlemen; pay no attention to it and go right on
in."
There was an awful fight at the seafood
restaurant.
Four fish got battered!
Waiter, waiter, does the pianist play
requests?
Yes, sir. Then ask him to play tiddlywinks until I've
finished my
meal.
Q:What did one plate say to the other
plate?
A:('Lunch is on me!')
A man and his girlfriend were out to dinner
one night. The waiter tells them the night's special is chicken
almondine and fresh fish.
"The chicken sounds good; I'll have
that," the woman says.
The waiter nods. "And the vegetable?" he
asks.
"Oh, he'll have the fish," she replies.
Sign at restaurant reads:
Eat here diet
home
An American tourist was lunching in a
restaurant
in China where the specialty was duck. The waiter explained
each dish as
he brought it to the table. "This is the breast of the
duck; this the
leg of the duck; this is the wing of the duck; etc."
Then came the
dish that the American knew was chicken. He waited
for the explanation.
Silence. "Well?" he finally asked, "What's
this?" The waiter
replied, "It's a friend of duck."
