"Please, ma'am! How do you spell ichael?"
The teacher was rather bewildered. "Don't you mean Michael?" she
asked. "No, ma'am. I've written the 'M' already."
School Doctor:
Have you ever had trouble
with appendicitis? Fred: Only when I tried to
spell it.
How do you spell wrong? R?o?n?g.
That's
wrong.
That's what you asked for, isn't it?
First witch: Here's a banana
if you can
spell it.
Second witch: I can spell banana. I just don't know when
to
stop.
The young lad had applied for a job, and was
asked his full name.
"Aloysius Montmorency Geoghan," he replied.
"How do you spell that?" asked
the manager. "Er ? sir ? er ? can't
you just put it down without
spelling it?"
Daughter: I will never learn to
spell.
Mother: Why?
Daughter: The teacher keeps changing the words.
"I gotta 'A' in
spelling," Tony told
his father.
"You dope!" he replied. "There isn't any 'A' in
'spelling'!"
Early Texas governors were not very well
educated. There was once a
chief executive who thought "grammar" was
his father's mother.
On one occasion this governor went hunting
and forgot his gun. He
phoned his secretary and asked him to send
the gun.
"The phone connection's bad," said the secretary. "I
couldn't
catch that last word. Spell it."
The governor
replied, " 'G' like in Jesus; 'U' like in onion;
'N' like in
pneumonia GUN, you damn fool!"
A Hoosier, a Kentuckian and
a West
Virginian were on a Hollywood TV quiz show. The host asked them
to
complete the sentence: "Old MacDonald had a ..." The Indianan
said, "Old
MacDonald had a carburetor." "Sorry," said the MC. "That's
incorrect." "Old MacDonald had a flat tire," said the Kentuckian.
"Wrong,"
said the host.
"Old MacDonald had a farm," said the West Virginian.
"That's
correct!" shouted the MC. "Now for $200,000, spell farm."
The West
Virginian thought hard and then spelled carefully:
"E-I-E-I-O."
Interviewer: How do you spell Mississippi?
Redneck: Which one? The river or the
state?
"Mah son's real smart!" crowed the redneck
mother to an acquaintance. "He's only six but he can already spell
his name backwards and forwards!" "What's his name?" asked the
friend. "Bob."
Two men were walking home after a Halloween
party and
decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery just for
laughs. Right in
the middle of the cemetery they were startled by a
tap-tap-tapping noise
coming from the misty shadows. Trembling with
fear, they found an old
man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away
at one of the headstones.
"Holy cow, Mister," one of them said
after catching his breath, "You
scared us half to death -- we thought
you were a ghost! What are you
doing working here so late at night?"
"Those fools!" the old man
grumbled. "They misspelled my name!"
A group of Texas A&M Aggies and a
group
of Harvard students had been deadlocked in a spelling bee for an
entire week. At the end of the contest the score was tied and the judges
had a dilemma. They told the contestants that each group was to
quickly
come up with a poem using the word 'Timbuktu.' Well the
Aggiess
started laughing the minute the word was uttered but Harvard
just smiled and
prepared their short rhyme. One Harvard student stood
up and for his
group recited 'Through the desert all night we ride
on camels walking
two by two, Destination Timbuktu.' Well the
crowd politely applauded -
they knew the Aggies couldnt beat that and
the Aggies just continued
laughing throughout the whole process. One
Aggie stopped giggling long
enough to stand and read the team's
effort. He said, 'Tim and I, a
hunting went, we came upon three
women in a tent. Since they were three and
we were two, I buk one
and Timbuktu!'
Luke had it first, Paul had it
lost; boys
never had it; girls have it but once; Miss Polly had it
twice in
the same place, but when she married Peter Jones she never had it
again. What is it?
The letter L.
Can you read the following? Yy u r yy u b I c
u r yy 4
me.
Too wise you are, too wise you be, I see you are
too wise for me.
Spell "pound" in two letters.
Lb.
What ten letter word starts with
g-a-s?
Automobile.
Can you spell eighty in two
letters?
A-T.
What insect can be spelled with just one
letter?
Bee.
What question must always be answered,
"Yes"?
"What does Y-E-S spell?"
Can you spell a composition with two
letters?
SA (essay).
Can you spell a pretty girl with two
letters?
QT (cutey).
Can you spell soft and slow with two
letters?
EZ.
Can you spell very happy with three
letters?
XTC (ecstasy).
How can you spell chilly with two
letters?
IC (icy) .
How do you spell "we" with two letters
without using the letters W and E?
U and I.
Spell electricity with three letters.
NRG
(energy).
Spell Indian tent with two letters.
TP.
How can you spell too much with two
letters?
XS (excess).
Spell extra wise in two letters.
YY (2
y's)
Can you spell jealousy with two
letters?
NV (envy).
How do you spell a hated opponent with three
letters?
NME (enemy).
Spell mousetrap with three
letters.
C-A-T
How do you spell elephant ?
E-l-l-e-e-f-a-n-t
"That's not how the dictionary spells it"
"You didn't ask me
how the dictionary spelt it !"
Fred came home
from his first day at
school. "Nothing exciting happened", he told his
mother, "Except the
teacher didn't know how to spell cat so I told
her"
Teacher: R-O-X does spell rocks?
Pupil:
What does it spell then !
THE teacher announced that to
practice
spelling, each member of the class would say what their fathers did
for a living and then spell the occupation.
Mary went first. "My Dad
is a baker, b-a-k-e-r, and if he were here,
he would give everyone
a cookie."
Next came Tommy. "My dad is a banker, b-a-n-k-e-r, and
if he were
here, he'd give each of us a quarter."
Third came
Jimmy. "My dad is an electrician.'' But after struggling
through a
number of attempts to spell the word, the teacher asked him
to sit
and think about it for a moment while she called on someone else.
She then turned to Johnny.
"My dad's a bookie, b-o-o-k-i-e," Johnny
said. "And if he were
here, he'd lay you 8 to 5 that Jimmy ain't
never gonnaspell
electrician."
Little Johnny wasn't very good at spelling.
During an oral
spelling exam, the teacher wrote the word "new" on
the
blackboard. "Now," she asked Johnny, "what word would we
have if we placed a "K" in the front?"
After a moment's
reflection, Johnny said, "Canoe?"
