Fan: I've always admired you. Are your teeth
your own?
Actor: Whose do you think they are?
What did the vampire call his
false teeth?
A new fangled device.
What happened to the man who put his false
teeth in backwards?
He ate himself!
Why did the old lady cover her mouth with her
hands
when she sneezed?
To catch her false teeth.
A man coughed violently, and his false
teeth
shot across the room and smashed against the wall. "Oh, dear," he
said, "whatever shall I do? I can't afford a new set."
"Don't
worry," said his friend. "I'll get a pair from my brother
for you."
The next day the friend came back with the teeth, which
fitted
perfectly.
"This is wonderful," said the man. "Your brother must be a
very good
dentist."
"Oh, he's not a dentist," replied the friend,
"he's an
undertaker."
Why didn't the monster use toothpaste?
Because he said his teeth weren't loose.
What did the Abominable
Snowman do after he
had had his teeth pulled out?
He ate the dentist.
What did one tooth say to the other?
Get
your cap on, the dentist is taking us out tonight.
Why does a
vampire clean his teeth three
times a day?
To prevent bat breath.
Why do you forget a tooth, as soon as the
dentist pulls it out?
Because it goes right out of your head.
What's the best thing to put into a pizza?
Your teeth.
Patient: Tell me honestly, how am I?
Dentist: Your teeth are fine, but your gums will have to come
out.
What sort of an act do you do?
I bend over
backwards and pick up a handkerchief with my teeth.
Anything else?
Then I bend over backwards and pick up my teeth.
"Your teeth are
like the stars," he said, As
he pressed her hand, so white. He spoke the
truth, for, like the
stars, Her teeth came out at night!
Why did the
termite eat a sofa and two
chairs?
It had a suite tooth.
What comes out at night and goes Munch, munch,
ouch!
A vampire with a rotten tooth.
What's the difference between a
vampire
with toothache and a rainstorm?
One roars with pain and the other
pours with rain.
What do you get it
you cross a porcupine
with a giraffe?
A long necked toothbrush.
What did the mouse say when his friend
broke
his front teeth? Hard cheese.
What happened when a man fell in love
with a
grand piano?
He said, "Darling, you've got lovely teeth."
A dinner speaker was in such a hurry to get to
his engagement that when he arrived and sat down at the head table,
he
suddenly realized that he had forgotten his false teeth. Turning
to the
man next to him he said, "I forgot my teeth." The man said,
"No
problem." He reached into his pocket and pulled out a pair of
false teeth.
"Try these," he said. The speaker tried them. "Too
loose," he said.
The man then said, "I have another pair - try these."
The speaker
tried them and responded, "Too tight." The man was not
taken back at
all. He then said, "I have one more pair. Try them."
The speaker said,
"They fit perfectly."With that he ate his meal
and gave his speech.
After the dinner meeting was over, the speaker
went over to thank the man
who had helped him. "I want to thank you
for coming to my aid. Where
is your office? I've been looking for
a good dentist." The man
replied, "I'm not a dentist. I'm an
undertaker."
Why is 4,840 square
yards like a bad tooth
?
Because it is an acre.
What has teeth but no mouth?
A comb or a
saw.
What did one tooth say to the other
tooth?
"Thar's gold in them thar fills."
What did the tooth say to the
dentist?
"Fill 'er up!"
How does Snoop Dogg keep his canine teeth white?
BLEEEEEE-YATCH!
Beatrice Lillie (Lady Peel) was once accosted by
a
haughty old dowager who scrutinized her through her lorgnettes.
"What
lovely pearls, dear Beatrice," she maliciously remarked. "Are
they
real?" Yes, nodded Lady Peel. "Of course," the dowager
declared, "you
can always tell real pearls by biting them. May I try?"
"Gladly,"
Lady Peel replied. "But remember, Duchess, you can't tell
real pearls
with false teeth."
Mother: Has your tooth stopped hurting
yet?...Son:
I don't know. The dentist kept it
Why are vampires like false teeth?
They all
come out at night.
Why is a toothless dog like a tree?
It has
more bark than bite.
How can you get a set of teeth put in for
free?
Smack a monster.
Why didn't the monster use toothpaste?
Because he said his teeth weren't loose.
Willie: "I have an awful
toothache."
Tommie: "I'd have it taken out if it was mine."
Willie: "Yes, if it was
yours, I would, too."
What game do you play if you don't take care of
your teeth?
Tooth (truth) or Consequences.
What helps keep your teeth
together?
Toothpaste.
Why are false teeth like stars?
Because they
come out at night.
What do you get if you cross teeth
with
candy ?
Dental floss !
What happened when the slave put his head into a
lions
mouth to count how many teeth he had ?
The lion closed its
mouth to see how many heads the slave had !
